Two Months

I’ve been wanting to post more regularly, and talk more about Elliot and her entry into the world and our first few days. (Spoiler alert: have high BP and be put on magnesium so you can’t get out of bed for the first 24 hours of their life and then the nurses have to change her diaper.)

But we will save all that all that for another day. If only for my wanting to have a record of everything for her as she grows up. This is basically her online baby book. Instead we will post about her because she just turned two months old! (Although by the time I finish this, she’ll probably be 6 months old.)

I can’t believe she’s already been here two months. In some ways, it feels like she’s always been here. I’m sure other moms can understand, but it’s just so weird that this tiny human comes into the world and needs you for everything and you just handle that shit because in your heart you know that THIS is your baby and she was always meant to be here. 

Sometimes at night I’ll just kind of sit in awe of the fact that I’m doing it! I’m taking care of a tiny human and I’m doing a pretty kick ass job, if I say so myself. Much better than I ever imagined I would be doing at this point.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have several moments where things are ROUGH and I lose my shit and wonder why the fuck I ever decided to do this, but thankfully she’s just the best so those moments are few and far between. Well, not that few.

We had our 2 month check-up at the doctor and she’s doing AMAZING! My little peanut, who was just a smidge over 5 pounds when I took her home from the hospital 2 months ago, is 10 pounds. TEN WHOLE POUNDS! She’s jumped from the eighth percentile for weight to the 16th in just a month! She’s chunking up like a pro!

She’s also very long, 22.5 inches at the last appointment, which is almost the 50th percentile. So she needs that chunk for her long limbs.

She got two shots at this appointment, which will protect from lots of diseases. So now that she’s got some protection, we are more open to visitors and going places. Although it’s still a pandemic, so we are staying at home most of the time. Thankfully the weather is starting to get warmer and we can go on walks.

We are formula feeding exclusively and have been since about a month old. The night before her one-month appointment, I had one of those aforementioned moments where I lost my shit. I completely came unglued and was yelling at my tiny baby because she wouldn’t go to sleep and I couldn’t pump. At that point I was maybe getting in 2-3 pumping sessions a day, so not even that much, but when I started screaming and sobbing at a baby, I knew that this wasn’t working. The benefits of breastmilk were no match for a mom who is mentally healthy and present and there for her child. So I decided that next morning I would start weaning. It was a really, really, hard decision, one that still nags me with guilt, but I know, with the utmost certainty, that this was the best decision for me and my girl. And she’s thriving and doing just fine, so it is for the best.

Breastfeeding is hard. Trying to get your milk supply up and breastfeed, while pumping AND giving your baby a bottle of supplemental formula is even harder. Add that to the fact that I’m by myself and it’s ridiculously hard. Every feed I was expected to put her to the breast for a little food, feed her a bottle for the rest and then once she was done, I needed to pump to increase my supply. That basically takes as much time that when you finish pumping, it’s time to start the process all over again. So forget trying to bond, trying to feed YOURSELF and shower and oh, you know, SLEEP. 

And look, I’m no spring chicken. I’m 44 years old. I knew that having a baby at this age was going to add in additional challenges. But I think it also adds in some wisdom because when I got down to it, I chose my sanity and health over breast milk. I don’t know that I would have been as cognizant of my health in this equation if I was younger. 

Ultimately, this was the best decision for me and Elliot. And I don’t worry about bonding or anything. She’s my girl. She knows who her mommy is and her mommy is her favorite. I just hope it is always that way!

Anyway, now time for the real point of this post, Elliot!

At two months she’s not just eating and sleeping now. She’s awake for a few short bursts during the day and we try and fill that time with her play mat so she can look at things and kick those strong legs of hers. We try to do some tummy time, but she hates it. We do most of our tummy time when I’m lying down and she’s on my chest, since that counts and she tolerates that. Until she falls asleep.

She loves looking at shiny things and shadows and her own ultrasounds taped to the fridge. 

She’s indifferent to the cats so far. They are still unsure of her as well, but are adjusting to the new way of life here at Casa Kristabella.

She’s currently in a developmental leap which is making her extra fussy. This leap is when her little brain is starting to process more things. She’s aware of her hands and arms now, and flails them any chance she can get. She can see more and you can see when her brain is processing something new. Thankfully she’s just like her mom and has zero poker face, so I know what’s up just with her amazing facial expressions.

She LOVES the bath. She gets so mad when I take her out when she starts to get cold. She would stay in there all day if I let her. I hope she stays this way. Maybe she’ll be a swimmer!

I go back to work in a few weeks and I’m dreading it. And we are going back to the office, too, for two days a week, so she will be in day care at some point (we’re still trying to get into one). I love spending all my time with her and am already dreading her forgetting me and doing all her firsts in front of people who aren’t me. I should start playing the lottery so I can win and stay home with her forever!