Next Steps and Circle Back From 30,000 Feet

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I have no idea how I carved the time back in the good ol’ days of blogging to post every day. I’m having a hard time with finding the time to just do it twice a week. I have tons of ideas I’ve jotted down, but it’s just finding the time to write them!

It’s probably because I’ve had to take a second job to deal with all the debt fallout out from the lying ass liar douchebag of an ex-boyfriend. So literally all my free time on the weekends I’m working. So that means all my evenings during the week, I’m doing all the weekend stuff like cleaning and cooking and laundry. And trying to find some time to squeeze in a few hours of sleep. It’s really exhausting. But hey! Maybe at least preparing me a bit for single motherhood, maybe?

Anyway, I really want to get back in the habit of writing more, and to share this whole journey, so I’m trying to make this a new habit. 

I thought today I would update you on where I am in the process and what the plan is.

The week before Thanksgiving I had my IVF appointments at my doctor’s office. They call it IVF Boot Camp because it is 4 separate appointments that you have to do before you can start. It includes appointments with a psychiatrist, the pharmacist, the nurse and the financial person. You can schedule the appointments separately, but it was good to just get them all knocked out on the same day and that way have to be out of the office less time.

First up was the psychiatrist. My fertility doctor’s office has 2 psychiatrists on staff that work there. I’ve been offered their help already in the past, in case there was anything I wanted to discuss.

I kind of got scared because I was like “does the psychiatrist decide if I can go ahead and do IVF?” Turns out no. That was the first thing she said. So apparently I’m not the only one who thought that.

Also, every time I type psychiatrist, I think of Animaniacs and Dr. Scratchensniff the P-sychiatrist. (Wakko was my favorite.)

Anyway, the psychiatrist appointment. It went really well. Infertility and doing fertility treatments is a super emotional process. It’s really hard to understand unless you’ve experienced it. And it was nice to talk to someone about that side of the process. She went through the whole process and how it would work and then we talked about sperm donors and what to look for when choosing a donor. And then she gave me some great advice about how to talk to your kid about who their baby daddy is and all the questions that will come up along the way. It was really eye-opening and I was happy to have talked to her.

After the p-sychiatrist was the pharmacist. And this was where we went over all the meds and how to inject myself will all sorts of hormones. It was very informative, but since I’m still a few months out, I’m sure I’ll forget everything she taught me. Thankfully there are tons of how-to videos online that she gave me links for.

Most of the shots are in your stomach/front of your body. But since I’m going to do a frozen embryo transfer later, I will also have to give myself progesterone shots in my butt. The pharmacist person said I would not be able to do these myself because of where they need to be injected. But I talked to my friend who has done IVF and she said she did them herself, so that was good to know. Otherwise I told my mom I’d come over every day after work so she could give me a shot in my butt. And those shots you have to do for 11 weeks!

I had to give myself a shot for both IUIs so I think I’ll be OK with it. I’m just worried about the quantity of the shots and how I bruise like a peach.

After the pharmacist, it was a meeting with the nurse. I really like all the nurses at my doctor’s office. They are so great and nice. And I’ve seen the doctor just a handful of times anyway. All your dealings are with the nurses. So I’m glad that they are so great.

She talked about the timing of the procedures and everything. Basically we’d start with an ultrasound on one of the first days of the cycle that we are starting the meds on. After the baseline ultrasound, then we start with the meds and then Wanda and I will become very close friends, since you come in for ultrasounds and lab work almost every day to see how things are progressing.

After things progress enough and we’re ready, they will schedule the egg retrieval. That’s a surgery and you get put out for it. Well, twilight, but that for me is sleep city. And hopefully I respond well and we retrieve a bunch of eggs, since most of them are chromosomally abnormal, we need some good eggs to make an embryo.

Because of my age, they will be doing ICSI, which is where they inject the sperm right into the egg. Normally they will just put the egg in a petri dish and put a bunch of sperm in there and hope one makes it in. But this way, they are ensuring that a sperm will meet the egg. Not that it means it will fertilize, but it has better chances.

Then we wait and hope they fertilize and turn into embryos. You want them to get to 5 days, which is what they call a blastocyst. That’s good. And then that’s either when they put them back in you to implant, if you’re doing a fresh transfer, or they freeze them if they are doing a frozen transfer.

I will be doing a frozen transfer because I’m going to test any embryos to see if they are normal. You can test to see if they have all the chromosomes, etc. to see what the embryo looks like. I am planning a whole other post on embryo testing and my decision, but basically I feel this is the best option for me.

Because the testing takes time, that’s why they freeze the embryos for transfer at a later date, once you find out which ones are viable. So that takes place a month or more after the retrieval.

After the meeting with the nurse was the meeting with the financial person. Which was super quick because my insurance covers nothing (also another post topic for another day) and basically it was just like “this is going to cost a lot of fucking money and we won’t let you do anything until you give over that large sum of cash.”

So that’s where I’m at. Because of the aforementioned financial stuff, I am aiming for my February cycle to start this all up. I applied for a grant which closes at the end of the year and I want to wait to hear about that before moving forward. (So please! Cross all your appendages that I get a grant to cover the cost of some of this!)

But don’t worry that I won’t have any posts and nothing to write about until then, because I have a whole host of things I want to discuss with you!

TTC, BFP, POAS, PUPO, WTF?

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There are a lot of books out there on fertility. I’ve read them all. I mean, not really, but I’ve read a lot of books on it. I am a reader by nature, so I love reading. I’m also a nerd by nature, and want all the information possible on any subject. 

When I was trying naturally to get pregnant, I was trying to learn and get any tips and tricks from these books as I could. I read books about getting pregnant over 40. I read holistic books that said if you just think positively, you’ll get pregnant and no one needs IVF. I read, and I read, and I read.

And then I would head straight to Google and the message boards. Every month we tried, we tried something new. There was Pre-Seed, a sperm friendly lube that is supposed to be magic. (Spoiler alert: it’s not and actually really bad for trying to get pregnant.) There was putting your legs up on the wall after sex, there is drinking pomegranate juice, there is wearing socks at all times to keep your feet warm, and so many more things!

Side note: One of the podcasts that I listen to, called Big Fat Negative (BFN), has a segment with Dr. Tim and he bunks a lot of these old wives’ tales. It doesn’t stop me from trying them, as long as they aren’t harmful, because I will try almost anything at this point.

But once you start diving deep into the message boards, that’s when all of the acronyms and abbreviations hit you in the face and you’re like “are these people speaking a different language?”

Side note 2: I almost used an acronym earlier in this post. And instead typed out whole words. You’re welcome.

Most of the major message boards and Facebook groups (oh yes, I’m one of those and in eleventy FB groups about pregnancy and fertility and IUIs and IVF and clinic specific and single moms) have a pinned post with most of the acronyms. It’s like the message boards of yore. People still use DH for “dear husband” and DD and DS for “dear daughter” and “dear son” respectively. (No, really. They do.) But most of the acronyms are TTC specific. Ugh! I did it right there! TTC = Trying To Conceive.

TTC is a big one. Once you learn that one, you’re just going to fall even deeper. Here are a few of the big ones:

BFP = Big Fat Positive (when you get a positive pregnancy test)

BFN = Big Fat Negative (when it isn’t positive)

POAS = Pee On A Stick

IUI = Intrauterine Insemination

AF = Aunt Flo (AKA your period)

DPO = Days Past Ovulation

BD = Baby Dance (because apparently those people can’t just have S-E-X with their DH to make a DS or DD)

2WW = Two Week Wait (the most agonizing two weeks of your life)

PUPO = Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise (this one I had to Google when I saw it on a t-shirt)

Pineapples are also a symbol of infertility. I’m not sure why. Maybe it is because eating pineapple core is supposed to help with implantation. (Not the outer layer, just the core.) (And yep, I hate pineapple, but I had pineapple core in smoothies both IUI cycles. See? I’ll try anything, even a fruit I despise.)

I poke fun, but for the most part, all of these groups and communities are super helpful and really supportive. And when you’re worried whether those are period cramps or implantation cramps, there is a thread on a board or group somewhere with the exact same question.

Spoiler alert: Hormones are cruel bitches that give women the fucking same goddamn symptoms whether it is pregnancy or your period.

Is That A Turkey Baster In Your Pocket?

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This is a really long post. I couldn’t think how to split it up, so grab a coffee and join me for the ride.

They say after you have an HSG, you’re supposed to be extra fertile and a lot of people get pregnant within 3 months after having one. Clearly that did not happen for me.

I’m not sure why that is. In a Google search, it appears that when they used to use an oil-based dye, it somehow helped with fertility. They don’t use those anymore. It’s now all water based. The other thinking is that it is because it really cleans things out in there. THAT, I can attest to. I had mine right before Mother’s Day and we went up to my brother’s for the weekend. And I remember 2 days after the test, having to borrow a pad from my SIL because this is what was happening:

I had to make my ex stop on the way home so I could use the bathroom at Wendy’s, where I’m pretty sure 20 years of stuck uterine lining escaped out my cervix. It looked like a side of beef in the toilet. (Sorry, TMI.) 

I assumed this would all be great things for me! Clear it out! Make all the space for a baby to implant!

(Now looking back, I thank whatever higher being had decided to NOT make any of this work because I did not need to be bringing a child into the world with that douchebag as the father. Thank you, whoever you are.)

Because of the aforementioned measles booster, I couldn’t start anything for 4 weeks. So that meant that our first go with the IUI would be in my June cycle, which started near the end of the month. That put insemination day around July 4th. 

My doctor had me do a medicated IUI cycle. That’s basically taking hormones and hoping that you will ovulate several eggs at once. (But only up to 3, because they don’t want no Octomom bullshit.) And then giving yourself a trigger shot to force the ovulation so that you can time it all out with the insemination. 

So I started on Clomid. I was on a pretty high dose (100 mg a day), because well, old lady eggs. I had heard all sorts of stories about Clomid and the “Clomid Crazies” from years of mommy blog reading. I was scared. 

I also read lots of tips to help make the crazies less horrible. The biggest one was to take it at night. That way you’re sleeping when most of the hormonal rage would be happening and hopefully it meant maybe you only dream junk-punched your partner, rather than actually junk punching him. Other side effects were hot flashes.

I didn’t have any side effects. I actually just recently talked to a doctor who told me that people who have really bad PMS symptoms tend to be the ones who have the worst side effects from Clomid. Basically because it’s like that PMS hormone in overdrive. I don’t know if this is true (she was a doctor and it made sense!), but thankfully no Clomid crazies here. 

The other part of the medicated IUI process is monitoring. Basically you go in for regular ultrasounds, once at the beginning (which, let me tell you, ultrasounds on the heaviest day of your period is NO BUENO and so, so messy), and then at least one more time as you get close to ovulating. 

In the TTC world (that’s Trying To Conceive for you n00bs), people have nicknamed the ultrasound wand, Wanda. Because Wanda is the person you will ever be the most intimate with. Vaginal ultrasounds are not the best. They aren’t as bad as anything with a speculum, but it’s still something up your vag, rooting around.

PLUS! If you’re like me and have a tilted uterus, it can be a tad more uncomfortable, depending on the day of the cycle. To add even more to this, my left ovary is an EXCELLENT hide and seek player. She can never be found. She is indeed there, despite several ultrasound techs trying to tell me differently, but she is really shy. And sadly, she’s the more active ovary and has the most follicles. So when they have to find her, it’s like someone with a joystick up my vag is playing Mario Kart and is taking a really, really tight turn. It’s really awkward for all involved.

So, I go in at the beginning to see how the follicles are doing and if you’re clear to start the Clomid. In both my IUI cycles, everything looked good and I started the medicine the next day or two days later. Then you take the meds for five days and near ovulation, you come back in again for a follow-up ultrasound to see how you’re progressing.

On my first cycle, I ended up going in two times because on the first one, they were growing, but not big enough yet. But the next day, they had matured enough and we were ready for the trigger shot! So it was a Sunday night, and I gave myself a shot in my stomach and 36 hours later, we were going to head for the insemination on Tuesday morning!

So for those unaware, which I didn’t realize until I started this whole process, an IUI stands for intrauterine insemination. It is basically the doctor inserting a long turkey baster-like thing, through your cervix and then depositing the sperm right inside the uterus. As close to where the eggs will be after ovulation. It takes any guess work out for those swimmers. They don’t have to really do much. Just make it to an egg and fertilize it.

The other part of this, i.e. not the lady’s part, is the sperm that is needed. Guys have to perform on command and give their sample. And my ex was really awful at that. AWFUL. Like his ONE JOB. AND WE KNOW HOW HE WAS WITH JOBS.

(It all actually makes a lot of sense now since I’m sure the stress of LYING ALL THE TIME wasn’t conducive to making sperm that would make a baby that would then cost a lot of money that we didn’t have because of ALL THE LIES.)

On the first IUI, he went into the room and tried to give a sample. He claimed it was super loud and he was distracted. The sample he gave had no sperm in it. I didn’t even think that could happen. And I did hear that from the nurse, so I know that wasn’t a lie. But he probably spit in the cup and called it a day.

(HAVE I MENTIONED THE LIES?)

I was wrecked. All that time and money we spent and he couldn’t do his one job. I get that it is stressful, I do. But for fuck’s sake. WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET WANDA?

They gave us a sample cup and said we could go home and he could try there and then we could come back in the afternoon. This was well past the 36 hours after the trigger shot, so who knew if it would even work.

But he did it! He did his business at home and then we went back to the clinic and had the procedure done. It literally takes a few minutes. It is, again, not pleasant, similar to the HSG and saline ultrasound, since there is something going into your uterus, but it was fine. I was determined to stay positive because this was going to work! 

Looking back now on it, he was completely awful to me that whole day (and the day of the 2nd one, to be honest). I wanted to take a photo and lie on the table for the full 10 minutes like they said to, but he was like “let’s get out of here”. I should have known then.

Then it is time to wait. Since this is no different than just timing sex around your fertile days (the only difference is more than one egg will ovulate), you have to wait for two weeks to find out anything. 

This is aptly named the two-week wait and it is the LONGEST two weeks of your life. It’s not like you could tell any sooner. Maybe a day or two. Because it takes that long for the egg to fertilize, cells to spilt and the embryo to implant in the uterus. Once it implants, it sends a note to your brain to release the pregnancy hormone and tell your body “no more periods for 9 months!” So until that happens, which is like 10 days after ovulation, you can’t tell anything. So you just have phantom symptoms like sore boobs and nausea and cramps. All the things you’d be having at this time if your period was coming. THEY ARE THE SAME SYMPTOMS. IT IS REALLY JUST CRUEL.

The first IUI did not take, obvi. My period came and I was super sad. But I let my doctor know and we were going to skip the next cycle and then try again in mid-to-late August. The reason for this was because I was going on vacation at the end of July and I wanted to enjoy it. And that I did!

The second IUI in August was very much the same. Same medication, same monitoring, etc. This time, the IUI itself was happening on a Sunday morning. This time we had a sample cup for him to make his deposit at home and we would just bring it down with us. Lesson learned!

Except, not so much. That sample again, had no sperm. (Again, he probably spit in it.) But this time, we had a back-up! We had a frozen sample on hand! (He had recently gotten a job and was out of the state for training, so I had him freeze a sample when he was home so I could go through with IUI #2 even if he wasn’t in town.)

So we had to unthaw it, but we were good to go! We waited about an hour and then we were brought back. It was the same deal as last time. Although, this time the person who did the actual insemination was not good at her job. She POKED my cervix with the turkey baster thing and hooooo boy! That was like a fucking electric shock! It hurt like a sonofabitch! But she finally got it to work and we were back in another two-week wait. 

That one also didn’t work out. It felt like it was going to. The symptoms leading up to my period were different. But alas, some higher power knew better. Because just a few days after I got my period and found out it didn’t work, I found out about all the lies he had been telling. I broke up with him, over the phone, the day before my 42nd birthday. The day after starting my third round of Clomid for my third IUI.

And that leads me to where I am today. I don’t need him, but I’m still going to keep trying to have a baby. I have this one shot. I can’t afford multiple rounds of IVF and also I’m 42 and know that time is quickly ticking away. 

But I know that if I never tried, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I owe it to myself to try, regardless of the debt I might go into trying, or regardless of the cost of raising a child. I need to try and be a mother.

Unexplained Infertility

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When we last left off, I was regaling you with so many words about not much. It was a lot of pee talk. And my decision to have a baby. And not being able to and getting referred to a fertility clinic.Sometimes I seriously wonder how it is possible for the human race to keep procreating. The odds are so low. Even on your most fertile day, in the healthiest person with the best eggs and sperm, your chance is less than 50%. And you’re literally only fertile like 3 days, max. So the odds are really not in your favor. And yet? People keep having babies! Science, man.

Anyway, back to me. With no baby (yet). I was referred to a reproductive endocrinologist, which is a fertility doctor. Because the endocrine system has to do with reproduction. Hormones? Or something? I don’t know, it’s just my fertility doctor.

The first appointment was a lot. There was a lot of paperwork and a lot of questions. My doctor is a little rough around the edges. She’s very no nonsense. Which is good. Like she’s not going to sugarcoat things. Which is great. I’m at a clinic that is for infertile women, I don’t expect it to be all sunshine and rainbows. But she never outright said it wasn’t going to happen for me.

Things moved really quickly at that first appointment, which I was super thankful for. It all ended up being timed really well, for which day I was in on my cycle, so she could actually do an ultrasound that same day and get a look see at the inner workings of my uterus.

The ultrasound showed my follicle count (not a lot, because I’m old) and then she decided to do a saline ultrasound as well to gauge if my tubes were clear. Maybe my tubes were blocked this whole time and that’s why I wasn’t getting pregnant! Not something to really wish for, but also would be nice to have an official diagnosis.

The number one thing no one tells you about any of these tests? You will have a lot of liquid shot up your vagina and into your uterus. Mark that down as words I didn’t think I would ever say. Or something I would ever experience.

So the saline ultrasound revealed a possible polyp/fibroid, but super tiny and nothing she thought would be stopping me from getting pregnant. She also could only get through one tube to see that it was open. The other one didn’t want to cooperate, so it was off for another test!

This test is called an HSG. They shoot MORE liquid up your whoo hah, this time a dye, and then they X-Ray you to see what’s going on. This one showed both tubes were open.

I also got to see my uterus and tubes on an X-Ray screen which was kind of cool. My uterus was so small! For the amount of pain that thing causes me each month, I figured my uterus was the size of my whole lower abdomen.

Most of these test are pretty painless. There is discomfort, but it’s basically like some period cramps. It’s not an ideal way to spend my time, but it wasn’t that bad and I got through it. But in these Facebook groups I’m in, some of these women talk about being doubled over in pain from these tests. And part of me is like “you lucky bitch! I wish I didn’t get awful cramps and had no idea what they feel like!” And then part of me was like “ooooh, honey, you’re in for a shock when you get pregnant and have contractions, if these tiny discomforts had you doubled over.”

After those test, the next step was Day 3 blood work. Which is on Day 3 of your cycle, since that’s when it’s best to test all sorts of hormone levels. I had that done and then made a follow-up appointment with the doctor to go over the results.

Fast forward to my next appointment with my doctor, all the labs have come back, and basically I’ve been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and diminished ovarian reserve. Not really diminished, per se, but more “in line with a 40-something woman”. TL;DR I have old eggs.

Her course of action, because my insurance covers nothing related to fertility, was to do two medicated IUI cycles and see what happens. If neither of those worked, it would be time to look into IVF. 

But I had to wait to start the first IUI because my blood work revealed I had no immunity to measles. Even though I had been vaccinated as a kid AND had a booster before college. But apparently I’m a speshul snowflake that falls in the like three percent of people who boosters don’t last forever for.

So I had to get a booster and wait a full four weeks before anything could be done. Which when someone tells you that you have old eggs, did not help. I wanted to get started ASAP! But measles is no joke and there’s a reason why they make you wait.

Get your kids vaccinated. #iamtheherd #psa

Next time on IVF Totally Got This: IUIs! Basically trying to get pregnant the turkey baster way! And speaking of turkeys, have a Happy Thanksgiving friends!

Decisions, Decisions

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First off, I want to thank you all for the support. It really warmed my heart. I’ve recently found out someone close to me isn’t supportive at all and having all your love and support means the world to me!

Also, I logged in today and saw all these comments that were held to be approved and yay! I just figured no one commented anymore! You’re all the best!

Anyway, now on to the post!

About three years ago around this time (I only remember because it was right around the election when we thought everything was going to be awful and then it got so. Much. Worse. Anyway, I digress.) I posted my decision that I was going to try and have a baby on my own. I had finally made the decision and I wasn’t getting any younger. At that time, my 40th birthday was fast approaching and the clock was ticking.

I had even talked to my doctor about it and she gave me some resources to contact. I had made the decision to do it, but I didn’t plan to do anything until at least a year after said decision, since I wanted to enjoy my sister’s wedding in Hawaii and I wanted to turn 40 and be able to drink and celebrate and be not pregnant.

I started taking prenatal vitamins and tracking my cycle. I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I started monitoring my cycles. I started using ovulation predictor kits to find out when and if I ovulated. I was doing this!

Side note: Every woman should read that book. It’s about so much more than just fertility and trying to get pregnant. It’s really about learning your cycle and your body. You don’t need to take your temp every morning, but you should pay attention to what your body does on a monthly basis. It’s really empowering.

I found out I was very regular. Which I basically knew since my period came like clockwork every month. But I did ovulate every month, and I peed on a lot of those sticks to learn my cycle.

Side note 2: You don’t really pee on a stick. I mean there are some brands that you can pee directly on, but those are expensive. Most of them are these little, thin sticks that remind me of fifth-grade science class. (What is the PH of this liquid?) So you basically pee in a lot of cups and then dip the stick into your pee. It’s really as glamorous as it sounds. But those little sticks are WAY cheaper than the fancy ones I need to pee on.

Side note 3: IT IS NOT SUPER EASY TO PEE ON ANY STICK, just an FYI. Even when I had a fancy pregnancy test, I still peed in the cup and dipped it in. It’s just easier. Especially if you’re like me and just ended up peeing all over yourself.

Side note 4: In case you’re unaware, I’m going to be talking a lot about bodily functions here on this new blog. Urine! Blood! Cervical Mucus! Vaginas! Get used to it!

Anyway, where was I? I literally have no idea. I had to get up to pee after all that talk and have completely lost my train of thought.

Oh, right, having a baby on my own. So yeah, literally three years ago was when I really made the decision. I had told my mom and my family. All were so supportive! (I was actually kind of scared of their reactions.) My doctor was also super supportive! Well, she’s a nurse midwife, but I’ve been seeing her since 2006, so she was STOKED!

And then I didn’t really do much, besides learn my cycle and pee in a lot of cups. Like I mentioned, I wasn’t really planning to do anything until after my 40th birthday the following year.

And then in June of that following year, I met who I thought was my soulmate. The day we met, I asked him if he wanted babies (yep! Sure did!). He said yes AND didn’t run away screaming. I thought I hit the jackpot. (Reader, she did not hit the jackpot, unless it was the JACKPOT OF LIES.)

Our relationship was pretty new, but we still weren’t trying NOT to get pregnant. We tried naturally for probably around a year or so. It wasn’t every month because SPOILER ALERT! planning sex around fertile days is not very romantic at all.

But it never worked. So finally at my lady doctor appointment in March of this year, I told my nurse and she gave me a referral to an reproductive endocrinologist. (I actually thought I was pregnant at this time, so was only really asking just on the very slight chance I wasn’t pregnant.) (Ha ha, reader! She wasn’t even remotely pregnant.)

And that is where the next phase of this journey will pick up in the next post!

New Beginnings

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Hey look! I started a new blog! It’s come a long way from my drunken stories, amirite?

I’ve been staring at a blank page wondering how to start this blog. I looked at what my first post was back like 1,000 years ago when I started my other blog and well….that wasn’t much help. (Also, can I just point out that my first ever blog post was 13 years ago? That’s insane.)

I wanted to start a new site to chronicle this new adventure I’ve started on, since the other one didn’t seem to fit.

As my About page goes into more detail about, I’m in the process of soon starting IVF to hopefully have a child on my own. I have been trying to get pregnant for the last two years, give or take. Some of you may know that I was dating someone. We tried naturally to get pregnant, and then we also did two IUI cycles. And then just as I started taking the hormones for the third IUI, I found out he was a lying liar who lies. So. Cycle cancelled.

At that point, I was just going to give up. In fact, I kind of did. I stopped taking my supplements, drank all the alcohol (which I had mostly cut out) and just was really, really sad.

But then I remembered that I didn’t need him. I had made the choice BEFORE I met him, that if I hadn’t met anyone, I was going to do it on my own anyway. So maybe I wasn’t meant to be a parent with him, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t meant to be a parent.

I am hoping to start this all in late January, so hopefully you’ll come along for the ride. I want to chronicle all of this because I know it’s not going to be easy and I’m going to need some place to air my hormonal grievances, to be sure.

Stay tuned!