Donor Decisions

Now that I’m cleared for my IVF, things are moving forward. I had always planned on starting in my February cycle, but the relief from not having to take out a ginormous loan is palpable.

My meds are ordered and on their way. They don’t ship the needles for some of the meds, so I have to pick those up from the pharmacy this week.

The last thing I have to do is send my vial of purchased sperm to my doctor before we start the process.

Let me tell you, picking a sperm donor was not something I wanted to do. I put it off like nobody’s business. Not for any particular reason, but more so because it was very overwhelming. You can choose every single detail about the person that you want – height, hair color, ancestry, education, sports they played. And some have photos, and adult photos, and audio interviews! Plus there are several different banks. It’s a lot to process.

Things were made a bit easier for me on 2 fronts. One, I’m CMV negative, so I can only pick a CMV negative donor. That limits my choices by a lot because most people in the world are CMV positive. It’s like a common virus that causes cold sores. And I have never been exposed to it. Two, was this giveaway before Christmas that gave away full access at one of the bigger sperm banks. That meant that all those extras – baby photos, adult photos, staff impressions of the donor, were all included and I wouldn’t have to pay additional for that. So I went with that sperm bank.

The funny thing is I’m not picky at all. All these women in these FB groups I’m in have very particular demands. I was like “are you CMV negative, not a carrier for the 2 rando genetic disorders I’m a carrier for and are you pale?” Seriously, that was it.

I wanted someone with my skin tone so that, hopefully, the baby looks a bit like me. Also as I dove in, I realized, I didn’t want any Alzheimer’s or any addiction in the family history. Other than that? I wasn’t picky.

The one thing I did want was a tall guy, so I narrowed it down to only donors 6-foot and over. That plus the CMV negative really narrowed my choices down to about 10. Of those 10, only like 3 had vials readily available. The others had wait lists, and I didn’t even look at them because I do not have time for that.

My first choice, he was great. I was really ready to pull the trigger. And then I realized all four of his grandparents had Alzheimer’s. And nope. That’s just too much. And yes, I realize I wouldn’t know this if I met a guy off the street and got knocked up, but if I’m PAYING for sperm, I get to be a little picky.

All the others I was pretty meh about. So I decided I needed to maybe take out the height requirement. So I opened that up, and that’s when I found him. He’s 5-9, so not short, but something about him just felt right. He was a cute baby, he’s a handsome adult, and ultimately he’s someone I would hit on at a bar. I’d definitely swipe right on him. (Is swipe right to like them? It’s been a long time since I’ve been on Tinder.)

He’s married and has 2 kids of his own. He was an engineer and decided to then become a special education teacher. The impressions from the staff at the clinic were very nice and sweet. He felt good about being a donor and helping people out. And his wife was looking at possibly becoming an egg donor too. He just seemed like a really good dude.

So that’s it! It wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be. I mean, the payment was painful, sperm is fucking expensive! But I’m really excited!