19 Weeks

I’m back on my letterboard bullshit. This week 3BB is the size of a mango!

I made myself update the letterboard on the day I turned 19 weeks to make it easier. (My weeks start on Saturdays, so usually when you’re reading this, I’m almost to the next week.)

Things are going fine this week. I failed to mention last week that I turned the ripe old age of 44 last week. It kind of snuck up on me, which if you know me has NEVER happened in my entire life. My birthday is my favorite day of the year and usually I’m counting down the days. Maybe that means I’m finally a grown up. 

It also snuck up on me that I was turning 44. Like I knew I was 43 and I know how math and counting works, and even knew I’d be 44 when I gave birth, but somehow saying it out loud really caught me off guard. Like, fuck I’m closer to 50 than I really thought.

It’s finally cooled off here in Chicago and I decided to see if my jeans fit yesterday. That was not the brightest decision. They buttoned, but boy they were super uncomfortable once I had to sit down. I have no shame that I drove around yesterday with my pants unbuttoned to give me some breathing room. I could almost hear 3BB yelling at me to stop squishing her.

Then I noticed in my weekly photo that I have indeed popped out quite a bit this week.

I think maternity clothes are in my future. But I’m really putting it off for as long as possible. It’s such a waste. And it isn’t like I have anywhere to go. I don’t care that I’ll be going to the doctor in only stretchy pants. Half the time I’m going to have to take them off anyway.

I’ve also been interviewing doulas this week. I was on the fence about spending so much money on one, but once I knew I was no longer going to be in the care of my midwife, I just felt more comfortable with the idea with another advocate in the room with me. Plus since I will almost 100% be induced because of my age and the diabeetus, having someone there to help me through labor and hopefully avoid a c-section makes my anxiety about labor go way down.

Because I’m a Virgo and love to plan and know what to expect ahead of time, the whole idea of labor and giving birth is so frustrating to me because there is NO WAY to know. I don’t know how it’s going to go, how it’s going to feel, I can’t prepare AT ALL. (I mean, yes I know I can prepare, but I can’t know EXACTLY what is going to happen and that gives me hives just thinking about it.) I know I can learn as many positions and techniques as possible, but since I’ve never been in labor, I also know that I have no idea how it will be and that I would probably 100% forget all said techniques in the throes of labor. So paying someone to be there to help me makes me feel a lot better and takes a lot of that anxiety away. Plus, and she doesn’t know it, it will also make my mother’s life 1000000% easier because I won’t be screaming at her about labor positions with the handouts I would be likely to print out and make her learn. You’re welcome, mom.

I really liked all the doulas I interviewed, but did like one a lot more than the others. I think all of them would be amazing, but the one woman, she and I just clicked. Plus she’s reasonably priced and will work with me on a payment plan. 

This week I also understood what pregnant women say about nesting. I went hog wild in cleaning out the baby’s room and donating furniture to clean it all out for her and her things. But then the next day I got a migraine, so maybe I went a little overboard.

The insulin shots are going fine. I don’t even feel the needle go in. I still haven’t gotten my fasting number under control yet, so I’m slowly increasing my dosage. I know I’ll get there. But I have really wanted a donut and candy corn. I might need to find a way to sneak one of those in.

Next week is the halfway mark! I have my 20-week appointment and ultrasound with my midwife on Tuesday. I’m really excited to get a good look at 3BB. And my mom is able to come to this appointment too, so I’m excited to share it with her too. And give my midwife a proper goodbye. Sad face.

I can’t believe I’m already halfway done!

#3BBOnBoard